Sabaka!

Beware of dog

Cheeseheads Unite

You never know how and when where you're from will come in handy. Having missed all buses across the Slovak border into the Ukraine, my traveling companion and I decided to walk on across. For some reason, though, despite a clearly marked pedestrian walkway, we were informed that walking across was not an option available to us. Growing a bit concerned , since we were literally in the middle of nowhere and the sun was rapidly setting, I was surprised when the Border Control officer, in perfect English, asked where we were from. In a strange twist of fate, it turned out that said officer had spent an enjoyable couple of years working in nowhere other than the lovely Wisconsin Dells. With the Wisconsin connection now firmly established, it was only a matter of minutes until the officer had spoken with the driver of a car crossing the border and arranged for us to hop in and get a ride all the way to our hotel. Turns out Wisconsin has far flung powers and admirers in the most unexpected of places.

Spring Break! or Changes in Longitude, Changes in Attitude?

As many of my teacher friends pack their bags in preparation for Spring Break trips to islands surrounded by crystal-blue waters or lush tropical rainforests, I am packing for...wait for it...Ukraine! That's right, it's no bikini and margaritas for me! It will be babushka and borscht! In a preemptive strike against the Slovak foreign police, I am leaving the country before they kick me out, in the hopes that in the meantime, my documents will arrive from the FBI. Then, I can reenter the country, arrange for my visa, and then stay until August. Simple, right?

I Have Asphalt or Erin Go Braugh

I learned the other day in class that if you´re having bad luck, the way to express it in Slovak is "Mam smolu," which literally translates to "I have asphalt." In the spirit of the lucky Irish today, I decided to conduct some informal research by asking my Slovak friends about the origin of this saying. It was not conclusive, but the best explanation I was given was that if you traipse trough newly-laid asphalt, it is quite smelly and and sticks on your shoes for a long time. If you´re unsuccessful at finding the pot of gold today, I at least hope you watch where you´re walking. Slainte!

Look, Ma, No Guardrails!

These are the types of photos that my mom likes to see after I´m home, safe and sound.

Moj otec

On his birthday, here are the top five ways my dad is not like your dad
1. He is a master at window cling decorating
2. He can do a mean Twain impersonation
3. He pronounces his last name differently than everyone else in the family
4. He routinely sported lederhosen during a certain period of his life
5. He has recreated Route 66 in his front yard

Happy birthday!

Survivor

Embarrassing confession time-For at least half an hour a day while I´ve been here, a half an hour that could have been spent studying, or reading, or sleeping, I have watched MTV reality TV. Shows like Queens of Scream, on which buxom yet incredibly untalented actresses compete for a role in a horror movie, and my new favorite, From Gs to Gents, on which gangsters from the hood strive to clean up their lives and win 100 grand in the process, are making me dumber by the second. But they´ve also inspired me to come up with a reality TV show idea of my own-Drop 15 Americans in the middle of Eastern Europe and watch them struggle for survival. Weekly challenges could include correctly pronouncing words spelled with seven consecutive consonants, rapelling down castle turrets, deciphering a map written in Cyrillic, convincing a taxi driver not to charge you an arm and a leg, and finding a supermarket cashier who has the ability to smile. Automatic victory would be awarded to any contestant able to acquire a temporary resident permit.
The ratings for Survivor, Eastern Europe may not be as high as others, since most contestants would be wearing babushkas instead of halter tops, but I, for one, would surely tune in.

Stay tuned Broken Yogurt

Haters

Notice who´s listed first. Just a coincidence?

Desat, Dvadsat, Tridsat, Styridsat, Patdesiat, Sestdesiat, Sedemdesiat, Osemdesiat a...

I was reprimanded the other day in Slovak class by the substitute teacher for not knowing my numbers well enough. But there is one number I´m sure of today. Marybelle turns devatdesiat! Happy 90th! We´re so lucky to have you in our family!

Vineyard Vulgarity

Everyone has their archrival. The Cubs have the Sox, BMHS has Janesville Craig, the Bloods have the Crips, and Jim has Dwight. As an outisder, if you're smart, you recognize whose territory you're in, and, to win friends and stay safe, you remain loyal to those whose turf you're on. I didn't do such a good job of that this evening.
While sipping my first Slovak wine with a random assortment of very new acquaintances (English students of a less new acquaintance), the topic of Eastern European wine regions and varieties arose. Shockingly, despite my complete ignorance of the topic, I decided to open my big mouth, proclaiming, "Oh, Tokay, isn't that a Hungarian wine?" From the glares I received you would have thought that I had cursed their mothers, grandmothers, and the starting line-up of the national hockey team. Apparently, Tokay is a Slovak wine, and Hungary is Slovakia's Dwight.

Stay tuned: Surfing Safari

Mother Tongue

I guess Slovak isn't the only difficult language to learn...